


The Phone Call (the final time)

by never_bloom_again



Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [7]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, BAU Team - Freeform, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Dumbasses, Gay, Gen, Hurt, I do not like Haley :(, Idiots in Love, Insecure Aaron Hotchner, Insecurity, Kinda dark at the end, M/M, Mentioned Abuse, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Not Happy, Requited Unrequited Love, Sad, Slash, Slight Haley Bashing, Suicidal Aaron Hotchner, Suicidal Thoughts, Sweet, Unrequited Love, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24090754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: Aaron gets a call from Spencer, about his letter to Rossi. He spirals downwards.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Jack Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723459
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	The Phone Call (the final time)

**Author's Note:**

> SO I did not plan for this to be this unhappy, but that is were it went.  
> You will need to have read the previous part for this to make sense.
> 
> Warning for mentions of child abuse, and suicidal ideation/thoughts.

“Hotch! Thank god you picked up. Rossi was really worried! He thought you had been kidnapped.” Spencer exclaimed into the phone. “I didn’t think that made any sense, but he was so convinced that something had happened that he made me analyse your handwriting. Not that I wasn’t worried at the thought something bad had happened, but-”

“Hello Reid. I most definitely have not been kidnapped, but would you like to slow down and explain to me why people might be thinking I am?”

To say Hotch was confused was an understatement. He had ignored one call from the man, on his day off, after leaving an extremely personal and heartfelt letter, and Dave’s immediate response was to assume he had been taken? Did he so strongly want to believe that there was a different reason for his letter? That instead of being as close as Aaron got to putting his heart on his sleeve, it was him being coerced into leaving a message, leaving a clue? 

“Well, Rossi didn’t really say much. He seemed really convinced that the letter you left for him wasn’t written of your own free will. Once I read it, I realised that the reason you weren’t picking up the phone probably wasn’t a result of you being in danger, but instead you avoiding him. Just so you know sir, he seemed really upset about the idea of the letter being just a clue.”

Aaron almost recoiled in shock as Spencer said those last few words. He had to be wrong, just this one time. It wasn’t impossible.

“Never let anyone say you aren’t a genius Spencer. You can inform Dave that I am perfectly fine and will be seeing him at work on Monday, assuming no cases come up. I would appreciate your discretion in regards to this matter, in order to keep the office proffesional.”

“Yes, I know. Rossi told me the same thing. Sir, I know it isn't really my place, but I really think you should-” Spencer didn’t even get the chance to finish his sentence before he was hung up on.

Hotch put the phone down on the table, his head falling into his hands. What had he done? Maybe it was better before the letter, even if it had been awkward and uncomfortable, because at least they could talk to each other. There wasn’t the weight of unrequited love hanging out in the open. Or the weirdness of a presumed kidnapping. 

In a way, he wanted to talk to Dave, see how the man was reacting first hand, but he also wasn’t quite ready in that moment for the rejection that would come along with that. Given the way Spencer had described things, there was no chance that he wouldn’t be rejected, and the little spark inside of him that had desperately held on to the near impossibility of his feelings being returned quickly dimmed. 

Hotch just hoped that he would be able to stay in the team, that he wouldn’t be forced out, because apart from his son, the team, the job, the people, they were all that he really had left. If that was gone, he would lose all his friends, his livelihood. He would probably go back to a nine to five desk job, live out his days in boredom. If he even stuck around that long.

He wished he had thought more before setting this ridiculous plan in motion, thought about all he had to lose, what the most likely outcome was. But no, he had deluded himself into seeing something that wasn’t even there, putting too much trust in what his friend would think when he came clean. At least Aaron had learnt his lesson this time. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He wouldn’t have the opportunity to.

He wouldn’t be weak again, He would finally do something his father would approve of, something that wouldn’t make him the child that disappointed his now dead father, because even though the man was now decomposing in his grave, his grip would never truly leave Aaron. The sound of his shouting would never properly leave his mind. The scars that for years he had carefully covered up would never truly leave his skin.

“Daddy! Come back! The movie is waiting for you!” Jack’s little voice yelled out from the other room, snapping him out of his head. 

He would go see his son. Sit with him, watch whatever cartoon movie he had most recently become obsessed with, even chase him around the house in some ridiculous game that he would always let Jack win, and that night? When Haley took him back, the way she did every time he tried to dedicate time to his son, he would make plans.

He would write another letter, maybe more than one. Tie off all of the loose ends he would leave behind. He did have things that he would be leaving unfinished, but he had already ruined his life enough, so that it was most likely irreparable. What more would he lose if he lost his life? Surely the things his death would solve would be more than the things he would leave incomplete.

The team would quickly move on, they would adapt to having a new team member the way they did Prentiss, or Rossi. His spot would be taken, possibly by Morgan, who would lead them with more success than Hotch ever would. The only one that could be hurt was Spencer, and he truly hated himself for doing what he planned to the boy, abandoning him in the same way his father had, Gideon had. But he would move on in time, they all would.

Aaron felt bad for leaving Jack, but he knew that the young boy would be better off without a father than having one who was so damaged, so immune to violence, so… useless to the world that even his son’s own mother, who he had believed for many years to be the love of his life, didn’t want him around Jack. He would spend this one final day with his son, making sure he knew that he was loved. Then he would do what he had to, because for all that he wished things were different, he wasn’t loved. Would never be.

“I’m on my way Jack!”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! This will have a happy ending eventually :)
> 
> I appreciate all the love and support you have given these stories <3 Your comments (and kudos as well) mean the world to me, and inspire me so much!


End file.
